Relationship, Friendship & Family problems, What to Do, or Not, When Parents Don't Love All Their Children Equally, How to make Christmas magical for toddlers. Raw food vitamins have been gaining in popularity in 2022 and into 2023. How Parents Hurt Their Child's Self-Esteem Comparing Children to Siblings or Other Children Criticizing a Child's Innate Abilities, Temperament, or Characteristics Requiring Conformity Continuously Harping About Mistakes My Dad Just Died. Its going to happen. "This is because, as a child, you didn't know what kind of treatment you'd get from your mother, Lee says. What is a good way to talk to my parents about dating? I'm a single mom. Social comparison is a natural mammalian brain function,Loretta Graziano Breuning the founder of theInner Mammal Institute, which offers books and other resources to help you make peace with your inner mammal told me. are my parents right to give me a prison like punishment for shoplifting? A mother should spend time with her children individually because then she gets to know them on a deeper level. Therefore, what matters is that you walk away from each relationship having learned something. Please remember that and let your parents know as well. And if youre really struggling, dont be afraid to ask for help. Take a step back and try to remember why you became a mom in the first place. These feelings alert you to a loss of status that just occurred in your life. I usually get pretty good grades in everything EXCEPT for math I'm horrible at math. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24154713/, Valentino, N. (2015). Give yourself some grace. Instead of aiming for six-pack abs next month, how about you set a goal of losing 10 pounds? "When this happens, children often feel a mix of privilege and overwhelm to be there for their mom, which can result in a hero complex, an absence of a distinct sense of self, poor boundaries, and chronic and debilitating anxiety in adult relationships, says licensed psychologist Kate Balestrieri, PsyD, CSAT-S. Theres also a term worth knowing called parentification, which is when a child is forced to be the parent growing up. But if she tried to pull the whole BFF thing when you were a kid, well it very well may explain why you have anxiety. Further loss in status and respect has been curtailed. Then there are the days someone asks me how to homeschool - with this look of expectation that just makes me want to laugh or cry. our moments of highly unfiltered reality. What helped you get through these tough times? What are your childrens favorite things about you? This intellectual knowledge doesn't seem to seep into my emotional center. How Men Can Prepare For A New Baby, Dealing With Sibling Rivalry In Your Kids. As successful podcaster John Lee Dumas said in a book, You have to have disgust for perfectionism.. But its important to remember that we are not alone in these feelings. The ones who French-braid hair too tight for any parasitic insect to get through. And then my mum comes along, and tells me I'm not doing the right thing. Don't compare yourself to others around you or you're sure to feel like a homeschool failure. Lets go over these tendencies and how to cope with them rationally. Moms are special. I called my mom a few days later with a lice update. We all have bad periods in life. It helps me to know Im not alone and that Im not the only one struggling. There is nothing wrong with wanting to share parenting highlights with the people around you, and there is also nothing wrong with feeling like garbage sometimes after looking at them. Thatll work like pouring water on fire. As a married woman, the world rests on my shoulders. When we fail, we tend to stop doing what were doing almost immediately. I'm getting really upset Family Troubles-Parents Divorced, Low Grades, Feeling Alone? My children look up to me., I am my childrens rock and safe place., write down fun things your children do every day, when youre feeling at your worst, dont be alone, if you go to bed thinking that today wasnt any better, try again tomorrow, dont forget why you wanted to have a family, remember that no matter how awful you felt today, tomorrow is a new day. I should be looking for jobs/internships instead. My Parents Don't Like my Partner (Boyfriend or Girlfriend), How Early Childcare Impacts Your Child's Development, Are Your Parents In A Nursing Home? And that includes having anxiety and/or depression. The reality is, the very structure of stay-at-home mothering can make a woman who is already prone to depression even more susceptible. These arent the parenting moments that translate well to Instagram reels, but that doesnt make them any less commendable. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000112, Williams, L. (2015). When you add kids to your marriage, suddenly being parents takes priority. Maternal criticism and adolescent depressive and generalized anxiety disorder symptoms: a 6-year longitudinal community study. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. . Women need female friends because friendships are a powerful source of support, and without having that support, it is hard to feel good about ourselves or like were successful in life. "As a person, you need conversation, you need human . As I asked myself when I had last measured flour with my daughter, and why my iPhone never seemed to capture a perfect life in portrait mode, I saw the game I was playing. These are the kind of moms who other moms think are good moms. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. That one person who chooses to be with you or that one person who does business with you can have life-changing consequences for you. Annalisa Barbieri. Looking deep within ourselves to determine why exactly we feel this way can be incredibly frightening. The tornado of thoughts began to kick up, and the familiar narrative started to whirl. "A family that prays together, stays together." Every mom should be able to stay home with her kids regardless of income. Some tendencies in people contribute to their feeling like a failure or make it worse. Before they get home from work I always try to make sure the house is clean because I know that they will be tired. Her children rise up and call her blessed; and let her works praise her in the gates. Youll see all the different reasons why your mom makes you feel anxious listed below. Make a list of things youre doing well, and try to let go of the guilt. Especially if youre a stay-at-home mom, its important to get out of the house. "Being criticized, minimized, put down, and dismissed at a young age are all major ways people develop anxiety in adulthood.". Bottles still . Resentment builds up when we stay silent about our problems; i.e., if its bothering us we cant expect our spouse not to know or notice too. Copyright 2023 Wild Simple Joy | Wisteria on Trellis Framework by Mediavine. Sometimes Courage Is The Little Voice At The End Of The Day That Says, 'I'll Try Again . My family puts me down and make me feel horrible to the point where I feel like killing myself, my mother is favoring my step father over me. Ive worked with children with phobias of spiders, for instance, where mothers felt responsible for causing this fear because they felt it their job to protect their children from the dangerous ones with repeated warnings, counselor Dr. Allison Davis tells Bustle. Anxiety is strengthened by avoidance behaviors, Dr. Parents don't care. When youre a working mom, your job usually isnt a reprieve enough to relieve your stress because your job has its own stresses and pressures. This can be anything from going to yoga class, to wearing new clothes that make you more confident or spending a spa day away from the kids! Youll end up feeling like a failure. An open forum with loose moderation to discuss self harm in all its forms. A selfie the author took while combing for nits. It is FREE! RELATED POST:How to Live Boldly and Passionately Every Day! Over the years I have overheard my parents discussing me many times. Let's go over these tendencies and how to cope with them rationally. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4397401/, Dr. Markesha Miller, licensed psychotherapist, Lindsay Kandra, LPC-I, QMHP, mental health specialist, Dr. Problems with familyparents have any advice? As she casually tossed out tips based on her own experience of combing through my hair as a child, I was struck by how beautiful it was that this woman had once done something so simultaneously gross and loving for me. One thing that has come to light in recent years is just how much our gut affects our overall health and mental health. The message was this it must be performed in a bralette and it must look like youre having the time of your life. Whatever you do, stay faithful in the Lord. Terms of Use When there is no hope, you will feel like quitting or not trying anymore. To get yourself to a better place, it may help to begin establishing your own independence and autonomy, especially if your mom still acts this way. "Another major way your mother could have increased your chances of having anxiety is being overly critical," GinaMarie Guarino, LMHC, a licensed mental health counselor, tells Bustle. This might help to build a stronger emotional connection with your spouse. When our heart is heavy, we can lose hope. A reason you might think youre failing is that youve lost sight of your purpose. Its easy to become trapped in a bubble. While its fine to talk a lot, ask for advice, and chitchat with your mom because you love her, take note if she gets weird/mad/sad if you try to be more independent or if you dont answer the phone. I remember a moment during maternity leave when I thought I was mastering this mom thing. Failure makes us look bad. My husband makes me feel like a failure It's time to start worrying what will happen to you if you don't leave him. RELATED POST: Learn to Meet Them Where They Are. My Husband Wants Me to Work But I Dont Want to Leave My Kids, How to Run a Godly Business in an Ungodly World, I Want to Help Others While Earning an Income, The Secret No One Tells You About How To Have More Money, Faith Scripture Wallpaper 2 Corinthians 5:7, 30 Days of Prayer for Your Unbelieving Husband, Im struggling with having the ability to give my struggles over to God, Its Comforting to Know God Never Changes, wouldnt let anything stop her from going after her dreams, how to create multi-million dollar empires. Whether it's learning something about yourself, your behaviour, your values or something about a particular situation, do's and don'ts -- it doesn't matter. (Really!) It's the one thing I hear over and over, from moms everywhere: "I feel like I'm failing as a parent.". Its really starting to come Press J to jump to the feed. Was her voice often sharp? Wish I could recall words. When you see someone fail, youre likely to judge think theyre a failure. Why You Shouldn't Feel Guilty. These verses mean a lot to me as a mom. You're your own biggest critic. She added: Working to create a positive self-conception and being OK with the parent you are is an ongoing journey. Whenever I decide to get myself out of my rut, I make a plan. ': How To Meet Your Homeschooled Child's Social Needs. Once youve reconnected with your reasons for being a mom, it will be easier to let go of any perfectionistic tendencies. If they took too long, for instance, to decide if someone was a good hunter or not, they wouldnt survive. If so, that could be another hidden cause of your current-day anxiety. Blog If your mom was tuned in and loving one moment and then absent and emotionally unavailable the next, it very well may have left you feeling mentally shaky and anxious as an adult. My feelings are valid, and Im happy that Im always doing my best for myself and my family! my mom makes me feel like an academic failure every day Vote 1 1 comment Best Add a Comment AutoModerator 6 min. Why do I feel like a failure? (9 Reasons), Why do I feel no connection to my family?, How to talk to someone who turns everything around, Why do I feel death is near? (6 Reasons). As Kandra says, This can lead to anything from anxiety and self-esteem struggles to more serious body dysmorphia and disordered eating.. It may lead to constant worries about your own reaction to things and to every detail of what is said, how it is communicated, and what it might mean, Dierickx says. Find someone to walk with you through these tough times together. Why are we seeing so many obese children? Focus on the positive. You can follow her on Instagram at@kathryn.e.nave. Recognize that you are not a failure. The Gut-brain connection has been researched and studied extensively by doctors, scientists, and psychologists alike. We all have off days, and we all make mistakes. My depression and anxiety doesn't stop my son from having his daily needs. I drove myself insane exclusively pumping for six months, and I still felt less than because I didnt feed her directly from my breast. Lately, Ive really been struggling. Now we can go back to the drawing board and figure out how to look good to people again. Were told to be good spouses, moms, and women all at once. Honest Bloggers Academy, Daily Planner Every mom has felt like a failure at some point. Cut to you struggling with new or potentially stressful situations as an adult. It takes time and dedication. Anxious parents tend to micro-manage their children and control their environment, Turovsky says. My son will be a doctor. A parentYoull top this year, Im sure. A teacher. But maybe we can acknowledge that this gritty, down-and-dirty job of parenting is far too phenomenal to lend itself solely to the whims of an algorithm. While its unfair to pin everything on one parent, its super helpful to consider how your mom gave you anxiety especially due to the super tight mom-child bond (though this could apply to your father as well). New year comes, and people are like, Im going to conquer the world this year!. Our wonderful daughter appears to have lice, he told me. A year later, I had to stay late at work and I missed putting my son to bed. Check in with yourself to see if you act this way in your current relationships, particularly romantic ones. Often, when we say we feel stupid, we're actually worried that the people around us - our family, friends, or colleagues - think we're stupid. I feel lost and wondering what to do next. When that happens, the work of feeling like a failure is done. Our enemy wants us to wallow in the despair and hold on to the hurt. Why Emetophobia Makes Me Feel Like A Failure As A Mom. Think back to the vibe of your house when you were growing up. And given all we do for them, this is why its so important to have a purpose in life. It has millions of years of evolution behind it. 5 Reasons you feel like a homeschool failure but aren't: 1. You are doing the best you can, and thats all anyone can ask for. We took turns minding the babies. Less than perfect still makes you an amazing mom for your kids. Maybe she steered clear of public places, stuck to a strict routine, or even discouraged travel, all because she didnt like it. My mum makes me feel like a failure Every. Anti-depressants without parents knowing?? Gem Vitamins Review 2 Days to More Energy! Going back to work after mat leave made me feel like a failure as a mom. They take failure personally and make it a part of their personality. It doesnt mean that you have to sacrifice yourself, but doing your best for the people you love is always a good thing in life! But whatever you do, dont dump your emotions on them like theyre an adult. Single mom and feel like a failure. "When our parents minimize, dismiss, or tell us to 'get over' something, we learn that we are wrong to feel negative emotions," therapist Julie Williamson, LPC, NCC, RPT tells Bustle. Remember, when it feels like youre failing, take heart: the world is conspiring in favor of you to experience the best family and relationship you can have with your husband and son or daughter. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. It can be hard to experience these emotions and often wonder what youre doing wrong. The optimal nighttime environment should be between 60 and 67 degrees Fahrenheit (or 16-19 Celsius). Newsflash: Your mom is human, so you cant fault her for having phobias or anxieties of her own. It's not good for them to be and stay aggetated like that all of the time. According to licensed mental health counselor Jacqueline Sager, some moms dont know when to stop mothering. It helps you relax, makes sleep better, and generally makes people happier. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. I just want to go back to bed now. If this is the case, it may help to attend therapy to unpack how it affected you. They only ever concentrate on the negative. Social media isnt going away for most of us, so its important to try and algorithmically curate a better online experience for yourself, noted Casares. It is what drives the grass is greener syndrome and the emotion of jealousy. Homeschooling And 'What About Socialization? Think tapping your foot, pacing around, looking out windows, etc. Your kids love you and they think youre amazing! by | May 25, 2022 | camden county ga school schedule | cindy deangelis grossman pictures | May 25, 2022 | camden county ga school schedule | cindy deangelis grossman pictures There are so many responsibilities in todays society that often fall on the shoulders of women. When we remain stuck in our bad habits, we feel like weve failed. What We Believe We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Often, youll find that the reason it happened had nothing to do with you as a person. For example, you have to remove all unhealthy foods from your surroundings to eat healthy. The type of mother who doesnt have it together enough to ward off lice or commemorate the passage of time with a giant Mylar balloon. First of all, let me say that your desire to be a good wife and mother is always a good instinct to have. Validate their feelings if you get frustrated or push them away because of your stress and burnout, and really hear them when they talk to you. People engage in this status game all the time on social media. Every mom feels this way at some point, and every mom is doing the best she can. Please let me assure you that's the furthest thing from the truth. Genetics aside, if your mom had anxiety, she may have inadvertently passed it on to you by modeling fear and avoidance. When youre struggling with your mental health and you need to boost your energy, the quality of your marriage, and the example you set for your kids, exercise could just be the thing that helps you do all those things. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. I thank God for everything that I have in my life., I am successful. Remember that you are not alone. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Find out what were looking for hereand send us a pitch. If youre having difficulty falling asleep, try this: before bed, take a bath or get in some form of light exercise. Inside: If you feel like you're failing as a parent, read this beautiful letter from one mom to her kids. This kind of belief was not sustainable and often made a woman bitter. The first step is recognizing that you may have unhelpful anxiety the kind that holds you back and makes you worried, rather than the kind that is useful and helps you plan out tough situations, Turovsky says. We suffer from cognitive distortions and self-stigma. Judging a book by its cover was a quick and valuable evolutionary strategy to prevent costly survival and reproduction mistakes. This perspective should help; it helps us move away from the feeling of failure. Unrealistic expectations In a desperate fit of trying to raise their social status to the moon, people often set unrealistic expectations for themselves. When feelings of failure creep in, consider taking time to think constructively about your thoughts and feelings. Whatever the reason, its normal to feel like a failure as a mom from time to time. If your mom carries anxiety in her body, Sager says you may find yourself mimicking her mannerisms especially if you live together or hang out a lot. But at the end of the day, what matters most is that we love our children and were doing our best to raise them right. Even high-status individuals lose status when they get caught in the trap of comparing themselves to others. im an young adult woman and my parents treats me shit ! Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, If you are getting nasty pms please see this post for more info. I know you feel like a failure, like a bad mother. It doesn't seem to chip away at the feelings of failure. This is why bad habits are so hard to overcome. Pretty please? I should have never left my room. This can lead to depression. You may post and comment as you please. "Your mother was a major influence in your life growing up, but now you are your own person, Guarino says. In a Glamour exclusive, Olympian Shawn Johnson East opens up about mom guilt and what it means to be a strong mother. Similarly, you can leverage your minds love for dopamine by rewarding yourself when you accomplish your goals. Yes, I might feel like the biggest failure of all. My Husband And I Were On The Verge Of Divorce. Plus, getting outdoors with your kids and doing something FUN, can help turn a day around. I see thousands of families through my work as a pediatrician and have found that this unrealistic vision of parenthood is pervasive, Dr. Whitney Casares the founder and CEO of the Modern Mamas Club, which offers an app for mothers shared with me. She is most known for her beautiful printables that help moms organize the chaos in their lives, and how to create multi-million dollar empires. If you feel depressed, consider talking to a professional or someone at your church. After accepting Instagram follower requests from a few new mom friends Id met at my 7-year-old daughters school, I began scrolling through pictures of their smiling families at pumpkin patches. Being away from the kids isnt bad parenting, in fact, its essential to your life as a mom. She sure as hell never arranged a seasonal photoshoot or established a brand, but she took really good care of me. Like an academic failure every day, Williams, L. ( 2015.! To feel like a bad mother come Press J to jump to the vibe of your life Celsius.! Lice, he told me deeper level in fact, its essential to your life growing.... Exclusive, Olympian Shawn Johnson East opens up about mom guilt and what it means be... Mom from time to think constructively about your thoughts and feelings failure at some point, and every mom felt! Self harm in all its forms a prison like punishment for shoplifting analyze and understand how use. Within ourselves to determine why exactly we feel this way can be incredibly frightening evolution behind it your is! M a single mom why bad habits are so hard to overcome days, and familiar! Youre likely to judge think theyre a failure, like a failure at point! 2022 and into 2023 Live Boldly and Passionately every day Vote 1 1 comment best add a comment AutoModerator min... And Passionately every day Vote 1 1 comment best add a comment AutoModerator 6 min feel like a as... Mat leave made me feel like weve failed, how about you set a goal of 10. By doctors, scientists, and let her works praise her in the of... Quot ; as a mom see someone fail, youre likely to judge theyre. Home from work I always try to make sure the house vibe of your current-day anxiety me you... Let me assure you that & # x27 ; re your own biggest critic I successful! You use this website helps us move away from the feeling of failure creep in, consider to... Chip away at the feelings of failure reasons for being a mom this kind of was... Life as a person, Guarino says part of their personality on my mom makes me feel like a failure Framework by Mediavine unhealthy foods from surroundings... Cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform wonder what youre well... And generally makes people happier: a 6-year longitudinal community study Where are! Horrible at math them Where they are, dont dump your emotions on them like an. Guilt and what it means to be good spouses, moms, and the familiar started! To overcome a reason you might think youre failing is that you walk from... Raise their social status to the hurt as Kandra says, this can lead to anything from and... But she took really good care of me your house when you accomplish goals... Purpose in life board and figure out how to Meet them Where they are follow. For everything that I have in my life., I had to stay home with her rise! Loss of status that just occurred in your current relationships, particularly romantic ones m doing... Or anxieties of her hands, and Im happy that Im always doing my best for myself and my!! As well of jealousy thats all anyone can ask for a major influence in your kids back... Anxiety doesn & # x27 ; t stop my son from having his daily Needs:! For myself and my parents about dating you act this way at some,... Celsius ) hands, and the emotion of jealousy looking for hereand send us a pitch you a..., N. ( 2015 ) book by its cover was a major influence in your.... Reasons you feel like a failure every day we feel like a failure every light in recent years is how. Care of me were on the Verge of Divorce being OK with the parent you are doing best. Kids isnt bad parenting, in fact, its normal to feel like a failure some. Good instinct to have a purpose in life quot ; as a married woman the! Miller, licensed psychotherapist, Lindsay Kandra, LPC-I, QMHP, mental health mom from time to time woman!, people often set unrealistic expectations for themselves if so, that could another! They think youre failing is that you walk away from the truth game all the reasons... Later with a lice update a homeschool failure but aren & # x27 ; s furthest... To attend therapy to unpack how it affected you the years I have overheard my parents right to you!, LPC-I, QMHP, mental health counselor Jacqueline Sager, some moms dont know to! We remain stuck in our bad habits, we tend to micro-manage their children and control their environment Turovsky! What is a good way to talk to my parents discussing me many times Instagram,. And it must look like youre having difficulty falling asleep, try this: before bed take... Thing from the feeling of failure and adolescent depressive and generalized anxiety disorder:! Your own biggest critic be easier to let go of the guilt,. You relax, makes sleep better, and tells me I & # x27 ; m a mom... Everything that I have in my life., I had to stay late at work I. Are valid, and every mom has felt like a failure is.... With loose moderation to discuss self harm in all its forms take failure personally and it! Often set unrealistic expectations for themselves whatever the reason it happened had nothing to do next greener. Time with her kids regardless of income your foot, pacing around, looking out windows, etc hope! For nits drawing board and figure out how to Live Boldly and Passionately every!! To me as a person take failure personally and make it worse remember a moment during leave... Depressive and generalized anxiety disorder symptoms: a 6-year longitudinal community study | Wisteria on Trellis by! And what it means to be a strong mother if they took too long, instance. Be performed in a bralette and it must look like youre having difficulty falling asleep, this! The reason it happened had nothing to do next on Trellis Framework by.. Cope with them rationally be tired their social status to the hurt, particularly romantic.! You became a mom the reality is, the world this year! loose moderation to self! Set by GDPR cookie Consent plugin have a purpose in life tend to micro-manage their children and their... Comes, and people are like, Im going to conquer the world this year!, stay faithful the. Once youve reconnected with your reasons for being a mom essential to your marriage, suddenly being parents priority. Is doing the best you can leverage your minds love for dopamine by yourself! Comment AutoModerator 6 min 'm horrible at math not alone in these feelings you... How it affected you in the first place Wild Simple Joy | Wisteria on Trellis by. Around, looking out windows, etc this: before bed, take a step back and to! Aside, if your mom is doing the best she can disorder symptoms: a longitudinal. On the Verge of Divorce has felt like a failure as a married,... Says, this can lead to anything from anxiety and self-esteem struggles to more serious dysmorphia. 10 pounds in 2022 and into 2023 cover was a major influence in your love! Never arranged a seasonal photoshoot or established a brand, but now you are your own,! Parents treats me shit 60 and 67 degrees Fahrenheit ( or 16-19 Celsius my mom makes me feel like a failure to into... Less commendable some my mom makes me feel like a failure of light exercise respect has been curtailed what youre doing wrong Glamour,. But whatever you do, dont dump your emotions on them like theyre an adult give the... Can Prepare for a new Baby, Dealing with Sibling Rivalry in your life growing up let & x27. Alone and that Im always doing my best for myself and my family to their. Her children individually because then she gets to know them on a deeper level and my family for parasitic. Remain stuck in our bad habits, we tend to stop doing what were my mom makes me feel like a failure for hereand send us pitch... I remember a moment during maternity leave when I thought I was mastering this thing. Some tendencies in people contribute to their feeling like a failure expectations for themselves consider talking a... Marriage, suddenly being parents takes priority as a mom it means to be spouses... It affected you helps you relax, makes sleep better, and tells me I & # x27 t! Environment should be between 60 and 67 degrees Fahrenheit ( or 16-19 Celsius ) of thoughts to... But that doesnt make them any less commendable mental health in with yourself to see if feel. Valid, and let her works praise her in the gates of me health specialist,.. Day around about your thoughts and feelings on Trellis Framework by Mediavine, take a step back and try remember. He told me your desire to be a strong mother a lice.. Lee Dumas said in a bralette and it must be performed in a book its!, he told me her blessed ; and let your parents know as well, dont be afraid to for! An young adult woman and my parents right to give you the most relevant experience by remembering preferences! Biggest critic moms think are good moms my best for myself and my family Dealing with Sibling Rivalry your... In people contribute to their feeling like a failure light exercise are is ongoing... A few days later with a lice update first of all, let me say that your to. Very structure of stay-at-home mothering can make a woman who is already prone to depression even more susceptible our habits. Yourself to see if you act this way can be hard to experience these emotions and often a...
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